Where are my special interests gone to?

For nearly two decades, I was used to occupy myself with clouds and weather in all facets. I bought books and studied the sky and the weather changes. I made weather records for about three years very continuously. Despite a faible for chemistry, I decided to study meteorology, to realise my passion at work. At that point in history, I didn’t know anything about being special. In fact I overlooked my weaknesses and just rode with the mainstream to pass the exams and become a diploma meteorologist. At the end of the school time, during nearly the entire studies as well as in the first years of my job, I didn’t have much other passions than meteorology. Passion, studies and job had merged into eachother, didn’t let any room left for other passions. So it happened to me, with the big life crisis, I seeked for another passion. I couldn’t identify with my primary passion anymore, increasingly leading to depressive mood and withdrawal.

In March 2014, something very important happened in my life. While I didn’t think much about Klinefelter syndrome, I met another man with Klinefelter syndrome. Then I started to collect as much as information as I could get about it. My scientific background has been a great help. I knew how to search for professional articles. I learned how to distinguish serious and unserious outcome. My knowledge about websites and blogs helped, too, and I could present all the found information on this blog, with a diversity of references.

For about 18 months, my special interest switched from meteorology to sex chromosome aneuploidies as well as autism spectrum conditions. Still something in the world of nature sciences but very different from my former education. It’s never to late to start with learning about something new. I just did it as I’m able to develop enormous amounts of energy when I’m interested in the subject.

Autism shelf

My shelf with books about autism, neuroscience, psychiatry and psychology is constantly growing. I can’t stop at the moment. It’s a fascinating world opening to me, with a lot of self-recognition and self-reflection.

Still, there is some hope to recover my special meteorology interest. I’ve been on my way to become a good meteorologist. I was enthusiastic, I was willing to educate myself and to travel to be educated by professionals. I was close to work with passionate meteorologists for a voluntary forecast group encompassing entire Europe for severe weather forecasts. My enthusiasm faded away, however. My professional websites about meteorology still exist. I didn’t delete all the content though I thought about it from time to time. It’s just… a gesture of acknowledgement is missing. Some positive signal not to give up the vast knowledge I obtained over 15 years of living my passion, my dream. As long as I can’t see any gleam of hope, I will predominantly continue studying my current special interests… being an activist for XXY and autism, with the intention to clarify myths and prejudice, and to help other’s not to repeat the mistakes I did until I finally dealt with it. Maybe that’s wishful thinking, and maybe I should just concentrate on my current work. There’s more to life than being a machine, just functioning to always fit in.

I also believe there is an upper threshold to which it’s possible to function, to suppress depression and anxiety. At some point in your life, you have to confront your feelings, your reality. With fortune, it’s only a third of your life lived with your old identity. There is still a chance to live the second third happier.

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